gah, so i've gone to the land of the bleak and dreary, a land filled with eventual death after much suffering. yet something still strikes me about the oncology department, despite doctors continued warnings about how oncology is something really not that cool since you deal with so much death and suffering.

well at least i now know what i really want to do in the future, should i be able to cross the first hurdle that is.

so the instituion, the people, all seem extremely appealing, inspiring, yet yet i still can't seem to get down to studying, with the past few days being spent (fruitlessly) surfing around for the likes of 'radiotherapy, chemotherapy' stuff mostly like that.

on a brighter note at least i do know what i want to do afterall...

always just a passenger,
never a resident.

sigh i've never liked the trouble of following up, of having having to continue to make the sustained effort to keep in touch and all, and i guess that's what makes me so reclusive and never being able to stay still, and make something meaningful and worthwhile, while i just keep spinning and spinning toward new directions

still recall gylc slightly over a year ago, arguably the best 10 days of my life, the many friends made, the wonderful fellowship and company, the assurance of me definitely makign the effort to keep in touch, yet all down the drain, thanks to good ol' lazy me, sigh.

i suppose that's what makes me all the reclusive, all this 17 past years, just being known to be either immensely crazy or serious with a certain bipolar tendency that's make somewhat like today, having to live up to the perceived notions of the impressions that people have of you, from the ever responsible, to the always joking.

i wish that would change, but well it's served a good 'self defense mechnism' hahaha and it shall continue to be one for a while i guess

anyways, here's to you out there

what can isay? i miss your eyes
nothing more
hat can a love song provide?
nothing more

words are a lovely try
for something more
and i wanna give to you
give to you...

more than a love song can give
more than a feeling like this
more than a dim light upon the path you walk

more than the words can explain
more than the falling rain
more than the sun shines upon your lovely face
it's more than a love song

and I found a way to come to me
and show me where
show me where right used to be
and put me there

well, this is enough to see
something more
and I wanna give to you

give to you...

more than a love song can give
more than a feeling like this
more than a dim light upon the path you walk

more than the words can explain
more than the falling rain
more than the sun shines upon your lovely face

and I look upon your face
and it's beauty to me
and I look upon and it's beauty to me
and it's beauty to me

and it's beauty to me
to me, to me
to me, to me
yeah...

more than a love song can give
more than a feeling like this
more than a dim light upon the path you walk

more than the words can explain
more than the falling rain
more than the sun shines upon your lovely face

it's more than a love song
it's more than a love song
it's more than a love song
it's more than a love...

i suppose at the end of this journey, i'm just going to walk a way without a whimper,
as always.

it's that kinda time again, the soft alternative-indie-softrock playing in the background, with the peaceful tranquil atmosphere of home, coupled with planes taking off into the oblivion

with the looming finals, it's almost uncanny to just take time out to feel the moment i suppose, but yeah we should... we should...

oh well, here's cheers to the black baloon.

i just hate the way you can have an influx of ideas, all whizzing about until at which point you visualize a viable option (nearly shimmering and shinning) in the grand scheme of things, all lost just like that.

euphoria turns to agony.

and now you have to retrace your steps, with the vague superificial outline guiding you, hoping immsenely that the same bout of inspiration strikes.

gah!

so its 1224 now, i've got photosynthseis and its evil action spectrums to conquer and i'm done for bio. then it's left to the ever lovable economics and why market has to fail. and not forgetting math... horrid math...

well lately i've been pretty jaded with the prospect of the upcoming commons; a hopeful chance to finally do well enough and make my parents happy, and have something to be happy about. yet my lazy self decides to sleep 12 hours each day, intermittant with the prospect to yahoo pool, good ol' remington steel and even people to share my 'woes' with on msn, which just seeks to undermine all that i'm aiming towards.

and did i mention i'm averaging at 5am everyday, with the quiet stillness 
and serenity of the night extremely welcoming with cary brothers playing in the back ground..

strangely the serenity and tranquility of the night has always appealed to me, the idea of you being up alone in the wee hours of the morning, with good indie/alternative/soft rock playing in the back ground (lifehouse and cary brothers have been very good company), intermittant with an ice cream break and even cup noodles when the need calls for it, all while enjoying the company of who ever's there online on msn (usually Milk heh).

and while the world just keeps spinning and spinning, it's all just so tempting to sit back, savour the moment of sorts and enjoy remy zero or even cold play, sipping a cup of hot milk tea or iced milo with everything just seemingly fading away into oblivion.

i guess i'm thankful of late, for all the wonderful people that have entered my life, the many friends made, 
5.5 deuteronomy 2007, the wonderful SMC (haha and a possible Beast of Baoshan).

but yet, the allure of yesteryear still lingers, the prospect of 'potential' the very prospect of it, 
the many new friendships forged then, 
which have since waned, gosh it would feel so good to go back to yesterday

and as reality comes crashing down, i guessed i never quite lived up to my 'potential', 
often as not dissapointing people, the many who believed in me (heh there were, a few at least.. i hope),

ah well, a new time has come in any case, as everything seems all so distant of late.

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Everything - Lifehouse

it's one of those times again those really deep deep contemplative times spent listening to deep deep stuff like lifehouse

some how you'd think that everything around you's one huge wreck, and you've changed so much that sometimes you wish someone would just give you a tight slap 

yet the very next day, you wake up acting like the same idiot you are, so that you can enjoy things to the fullest, or so you think. you lost all regard for things you once believed in, things you once held dear, of course justifying it by not wanting to get your heart broken again. or you're just too scared to get hurt or watch an ideal come crashing down.

haha or even better still, you become one of the very people you told yourself never to become, disregarding relationships, manipulating them all just for fun and laughter.

you wish you could turn back to the start and stop all this from happening

you're Walk's an utter mess, you know you should be concerned but you don't even give a hoot about it, better yet, you actually don't want to repair it

you pretend as though everything's ok, hypocritically providing help for others,

you tell yourself, you've got to change but wake up the very next day acting the complete retard you are

and you thing everything's just going to work out all right











you'd wish.