it's frustrating,
how you're always expected to be the nice one,
encouraging others,
looking out for their needs,
making sure no one gets left behind,
and that no one feels left out,

yet with all that,
you're still treated like wallpaper,
just the person who's always like that,
to be taken advantaged of,
to be used,
to be laughed at,
joked about,

but you keep reassuring yourself,
that you're doing the right thing,
the exact thing that you're supposed to do,

and then it comes to the point,
where you start asking yourself,
whether it's actually in your nature to be like that,
or just simply a self taken up responsiblity,
which has been strangely mangled with your 'character',
and asking yourself,
whether being the 'politically correct',
is absolutely necessary.

yet somehow,
you're just unable to help not noticing,
someone being left out,
someone hurting,
someone alone,
and when that person's no longer alone,
again,
you just simply fade into the background,
just a simple tool,
an instrument,
to make people feel better,

so why does one keep going about doing that then,
just because it's be 'built in' for say a couple of years into his life,

paradox swing;

and when,
you're supposedly the jovial one,
happy go lucky,
the one who cheers people up,
adds the comic relief,
and diffuses the situation,
'entertainment'

so much so, you become,
just a joke,
a clown,
to be laugh at,
and for others to have their merry fun,
while you're hurting deep inside,
especially when you're supposed to be the clown,
the always funny one,
never hurting,
always cheerful;
never entitled to being the one who's sad

so much so,
your 'friends' take you on a joy ride,
expecting you for 'entertainment',
whenever they feel down,
or out,
and just chucking you aside,
right after that,
or worse still,
laughing AT you,
along with all your supposed 'friends',
people whom you trust,
and all this time,
you're expected,
to be putting on a huge grin,
being the one who's supposed to be at the brunt of all their jokes

so tell me again?
why in the world i'm doing all this,
day in day out,
for the past few years of my life,
and it seems so highly strung,
that i'd probably,
be doing it all the time

and now it seems,
that i'm really confused;

dark blue